The Top Fifteen Road Rage Anthems of all Time
The Top Fifteen Road Rage Anthems of all Time
by James Hamel
It is a phenomenon that affects all ages and genders as well as crossing all racial and social lines. No matter if a person has a master’s degree or dropped out in the fourth grade they are equally prone to a quite common yet not often talked about aspect of our car addicted society. And, of course, the “blame everyone but yourself” and “everyone else in the world is an idiot” mentality that is so endemic to American life on can only blame Reality TV. Okay, that last part was a stretch but you try watching an episode of any season of “The Bachelor” and not come away thinking the world is inhabited by morons and that you are totally normal.
How is it that this psychological phenomenon is suffered by so many of us yet you rarely hear of multi-car shootouts occurring during rush hour commuting? Well, outside of Los Angeles of course. Could it be that we are saved from our animalistic nature by in-car music systems? Yes, here we go again taking yet another leap of faith but follow along with our thinking here.
You may be sitting there trying to deny that you are ever driven angry and this not only affects how safe a driver you are but it can also put other driver’s and even your own family at risk if they are in the car with you. You may think your expletive, rage laden outbursts behind the wheel are harmless but we bet if someone asked your friends, children or significant other the answer would be wholly different. It is very easy not to notice the number of dirty invectives that pour out of your mouth during a traffic filled outing behind the wheel. To translate that last part, essentially how often you drop the F-bomb.
And while no one can really soothe this savage driving beast fully, the act of listening to certain songs can help you realize that you are not alone in how you feel. Everyone gets mad sometimes when they drive. How you channel that anger, however, is up to you. Some may say you should listen to soothing music when you are angry but in our experience hearing Celine Dion’s “My Heart will Go On” would just piss us off more. So these songs are meant to mirror your reality, one that we hope you remember will be temporary once the traffic clears and that Prius in the fast lane with its left turn signal on going 35 miles per hour finally moves over to the right.
1.)Highway to Hell—(AC/DC) : The album “Highway to Hell” was the first record that contributor James Hamel ever purchased with his own money as a child (and yes, it was on vinyl.) How his parents thought it was okay for an eight year old to buy an album that featured a cover photo of the band wearing satanic devil horns is a mystery but it was a different time. What he had stumbled upon, however, was one of the best rock albums of all time with a lead track that embodies everything both confounding and liberating about the open road. “No stop signs, speed limits. Nobody’s gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, Nobody’s gonna mess me around.” Just—totally—awesome.
2).I Can’t Drive 55—(Sammy Hagar) : Granted, Mr. Hagar may have brought down the house of VanHagar but that perception depends on if you prefer his vocal stylings over those of Mr. Chest Hair himself—David Lee Roth. What cannot be denied is the fact that listening to “I Can’t Drive 55” has an uncanny effect on your right foot. Yep, that’s right. You really can’t drive 55 listening to this song.
3). Scream—(Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson) : We don’t care what you think about America’s most dysfunctional family, all we know is that by combining the frustrations and violations that must have been seething for decades within both Michael and Janet Jackson, their long awaited duet “Scream” embodied the release of all of their collective angst.
And as listeners, or in our case the ones who sing along badly, we can guarantee that singing this song at the top of your lungs (preferably with a similarly pissed off passenger so you can switch off the Michael and Janet vocal segments) will be like the proverbial “Primal Scream.” Most effective when done in a convertible with the top down but you will have to leave your shame at home. People will stare.
4).Guerilla Radio—(Rage Against the Machine) : “It has to start somewhere/ It has to start sometime/ What better place than here?/ What better time than now?” These are the words whispered by Zach De la Rocha right before guitarist Tom Morello breaks back into the song with a sonic fury that embodies everything that has made Rage Against the Machine so groundbreaking. As Zach continues to howl that “all hell can’t stop us now,” the boys of Rage work together in such harmony that you truly are forced to believe it. This song is perfect for those commutes home where you are plotting the overthrow of your boss the next morning with your co-workers.
5).Rusty Cage—(Soundgarden) : After spending 8 hours in a cubicle and then facing that nightmare two hour commute home, it is easy to feel trapped in your very own “Rusty Cage.” Thanks to the other-worldly vocal abilities of Chris Cornell we are all granted a key to help us “break our rusty cage and run.”
6).Comfortable Liar—(Chevelle) : Are you just sick and tired of your sleazy boss, his lame soul patch goatee and the way he always gets you to work Saturdays thereby shrinking your weekend to one day? Maybe that was a bit specific about an employer from our past but we are sure everyone has found themselves working for someone so beneath them intellectually and morally that it is hard not to quit. Here is the song for you and your boss—you know the one. The guy who is such a “Comfortable Liar.”
7.)Bullet With Butterfly Wings—(Smashing Pumpkins) : “The world is a vampire/sent to drain/secret destroyers hold you up to the flames/and what do I get for my pain?/betrayed desires/…Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.” No one does embittered agony better than Billy Corgan and “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” is this Chicago native at his sullen and morose best. And who hasn’t driven to work on a Monday morning feeling like the world and their job is like a vampire slowly draining the life from them. Or maybe that’s just us.
8).Head Like a Hole—(Nine Inch Nails) : As an introduction to the dark brilliance of Trent Reznor, “Head Like a Hole” still cuts the mustard as a 90’s classic. Although he never fit into the “grunge” ethos of the time, Trent still managed to create a number of rock classics that always held true to his unique style. The simple nursery rhyme lyrics of this song still stand the test of time even if it is a bit like listening to a foul mouthed six year old. “Head like a hole/black as your soul/I’d rather die than give you control.” Again, this could be another “I hate my job” rant or could even be directed at the driver of that penis shaped $200,000 sports car that keeps cutting everyone off in traffic.
9). It’s Not Right but It’s Okay—(Whitney Houston) : Best known of course for her tremendous vocal range and her way with a ballad, this song about a love affair gone wrong due to cheating showed off a whole other side of Whitney with lyrics no doubt inspired by her marriage to Bobby Brown. Show of hands, who has been cheated on before? Well, if it happens again this song will let you feel torn down, will build you back up and then give you the strength to throw all of your exes clothes onto the front lawn. Cut into pieces. Take it out on their wardrobe, not on your car from behind the wheel.
10). B.Y.O.B.—(System of a Down) : Frenetic, spastic and with lyrics that spew out so quickly you wonder if they are being uttered by an out of control crack-head—“B.Y.O.B.” is a sonic force of nature so intense that you are left to question how human beings using musical instruments actually created it. But this isn’t the work of some crazed subway tunnel madman. It’s the work of Serj Tankian, the lead singer of System of a Down. And to be honest, the guy is weirder than your average Times Square street performer but still possesses a level of musical talent greater than most of his contemporaries in heavy metal. And this song is so fast it will actually slow you down.
11).Numb/Encore—(Jay Z. & Linkin Park) : This song elevates the lyrical and rhythmic power of both of these standout songs from Jay Z and Linkin Park. Possibly the best musical “mash-up” ever recorded, this song takes the rock/rap crossbreed to a new level. Do we want an encore? Do we ever. Let’s just make sure Beyonce’s sister isn’t featured on the song as we don’t think she would be a great help with anyone’s road rage. Or elevator rage as it were.
12).F&$K You—(Lilly Allen) : Yes, that is the title of this song and also makes up most of the chorus of this surprisingly polite ode to the F-word and using it to tell off those you don’t care for very much. Or in the words of Ms. Allen, “very, very much.” This song will elevate any mood as it takes the power out of what is so often a very rude word with a very negative association. With Ms. Allen’s adorable English accent and inherent sarcasm, she somehow manages to defuse all of that.
13).The Pretender—(Foo Fighters) : “What if I say I’m not like the others?/What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?/You’re the pretender/What if I say that I’ll never surrender?” That really says it all, now doesn’t it? Another classic from the house of Foo. This takes anger towards an individual and funnels it into something more positive that encourages you to stand up for yourself and not be victimized. Do note that not being a victim does not entail taking out a gun and shooting someone. Guns are for killing harmless dear when they aren’t looking.
14.) Creep—(Radiohead) : This was the song that Radiohead broke through in the early 1990’s and pointed to perhaps one hit wonder status, not their current reign as possibly one of the best rock bands of the last 25 years. But beyond that, “Creep” still satisfies to this day and is perfect for any day you just don’t feel like you fit in. Because inside all of us is someone that we sometimes think is a “Creep.”
15.) Break the Fall—(Laura Welsh) : You may not have heard of the singer or the song but we recommend you check it out, we were lucky enough to stumble upon it one week when iTunes was giving it away for free. The song slowly moves to a crescendo of music and vocals that belie anger and hurt which are usually the basis of people’s road rage. Remember, everyone happens to everyone. And if you still just feel mad at the world remember this classic line from “Break the Fall.” “My temper’s always on the loose. It’s not easy to trust. I want to love you but I am just too cynical. I caught you playing in the fire. Did you feel at home? Did you feel at home?”
Happy Driving!
